Well, time has certainly slipped away from me. As I sit down to write this entry we are only days away from your first birthday. This is a very emotional and bittersweet entry for me. I'm so proud of the independence you've gained, but am quickly realizing you are growing so quickly before my eyes, and becoming less and less of a baby. It's hard for me to sum up this first year together. It has been the most rewarding, fun, and amazing years of my life. You have brought so much joy, fulfillment, and pure love to this life, and I honestly cannot imagine a day without you in it. You have brought endless amounts of smiles and laughter, tons of happy tears, and a sense of completion to my heart that I cannot put into words. I am so proud to be your mommy. It is an absolute honor, and one of the sweetest journeys of my life to watch you grow, adapt and learn. You amaze me each and every day!
Now, not to say every day has been easy... this year has also been the most challenging, and tiresome years I have ever experienced. There have been many sleepless nights, a fair share of frustrating moments, and constant worrying, researching and questioning my decisions as a parent. It's a crazy journey becoming a parent. YOU are my main priority now, your happiness and well being have become more important than my own. A new sense of selflessness, and self discovery has been blanketed over me as a mother. You know it's a funny thing, before you were born I thought "Ah, I got this whole parenting thing." Especially working as a preschool teacher, I knew kids, in and out, up and down... but being a parent is a whole new ballgame. When you are sad, or hurt my heart aches for you. When you are happy, I am beyond happy. When you make a new discovery, or master a new milestone I feel the greatest sense of accomplishment (for us both). The emotional connection, and love I feel for you is simply indescribable. Although I am trying to teach you the ways of the world, you are teaching me far more than I ever imagined you could.
You have grown and changed so much in these past 12 months... time truly does fly by when you are having fun (or maybe it's the fogginess from lack of sleep), either way it's crazy. Just the other day you took your first few steps, and are quickly gaining your confidence to start walking. YIKES! I know I am in for it once you really start going. You are into EVERYTHING, and are definitely keeping daddy and I on our toes.
You are such a strong willed, independent, and determined little guy. You watch older children play and study their movement and abilities. I can see your little wheels spinning, soaking it in and figuring out how you too can do what they are doing. You love music. Anything musical, whether it's daddy playing guitar, the radio blaring, a commercial on TV, or someone singing in the other room. You stop what you are doing and bob your head, and shake to the beat. In fact, just the other day in the car you woke up from a dead sleep and started rocking out to the song playing on the car stereo. Pretty cute! Daddy and I think you are destined to be musical!
It's not just music that has captured you though. You seem to love baseball! You've already watched several San Fransisco Giants games, and intensely studied the players. At this very moment your favorite word is "ball". You repeat it over and over again at the sight of any round circular object! Today, outside Target you spotted the big red balls out front and excitedly yelled "ball! ball!". Although to some these little details may seem so insufficient and unimportant, to me they mean a whole lot!! You are taking in this great big world, and making amazing connections and discoveries. As a mother, nothing makes me more proud!
You are quite the eater, let me tell you. There is not much you don't like (most of the time). Its pretty cute to watch you chew using those 4 front teeth, and exclaim "Yummmmm" after each bite. Your ability to communicate is becoming more and more apparent, although you still do a lot of screaming to get what you want. I think I can safely say daddy and I will be so much happier once you gain a few more words and can use those instead of those powerful set of lungs you have been given.
In these past few weeks you have become quite the daddy's boy. When he walks in from work at the end of each day you speedily crawl to him and climb up his leg for a hug, and some much needed daddy time. Nothing warms my heart more. Seeing you two, and knowing you are "mine" is one of the greatest blessings I have ever known.
You have accomplished so much in this first year, and have filled my heart with enough memories to last a lifetime. I am so excited to continue to watch you grow, explore, challenge yourself and reach your goals. I will always support you, stand behind you, and fight for your best interest. As a mother, my hopes for you grow stronger each day. I dream that you'll be a kind, gentle boy to those around you, that you will love with all your heart, always try your hardest, keep your promises, tell the truth, follow what makes you happy, and to always dream without limits. Mostly I hope you always trust and know that you are smart, you are capable, and you are so loved. Never ever will a day pass that I am not grateful for you, and for this beautiful gift I have; to be your mommy.
So, as I end this letter to you I want to wish you the happiest 1st birthday, and thank you for all the moments that have summed up the past 365 days. To quote Piglet from Winnie the Pooh; "Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart". Nothing rings more true to me. I love you Cohen Rigsby, and I always will.
Happy Birthday sweet boy,
Being ONE is so much FUN!